| what a dreeg |
[24 Aug 2005|04:58pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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alkaline trio |
] |
School starts monday. What a drag! Its my senior year though, so im happy. Happy to get out of there, and happy to move on to bigger and better things. I hope all goes well.
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| rise against |
[24 Jul 2005|03:02pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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institute 22 |
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Who's to blame, the educated remains, the scholars
So tell me what's the point of surviving
Why do we try so hard to stay alive?
We know that nothing we do really matters
And it, it will away with time
It'll wash away with time
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| just listen |
[23 May 2005|04:27pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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bright eyes |
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Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth;
oh nevermind; you will not understand the power of beauty of your youth until they have faded..
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future;
or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum..
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind;
the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with others people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours
Floss .
Don’t waste your time on jealousy;
sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind
The race is long, and at the end it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive,
forget the insults;
if you succeed doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters,
throw away your old bank statements
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what to do with your life.
get plenty of calcium.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t.
maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t.
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either.
your choices are half chance, so are everybody’s else’s.
Enjoy your body..
use it every way you can ..
Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance..
even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines,
they will only make you feel ugly.
get to know your parents, you’ll never know when they’ll be gone for good
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on to.
work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York city once,
but leave before it makes you hard;
live in Northern California once,
but leave before it makes you soft.
travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time it’s 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy,
but be patient with those who supply it.
Advise is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
<33
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| on my way to work |
[16 May 2005|03:37pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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elliot smith |
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i pass a graveyard on my way to work
today i saw two dozen white roses
on a fresh new mound of dirt
and i wondered about the occupant
when the darkness finally swallowed him was he calm and content
or was he sweating in a struggle to keep breathing,
ripping apart the sheets that dressed his bed
crying out loud for someone to help him
and collapsing on his back all pale and dead
<x3
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| sure, i guess its like that |
[15 May 2005|02:44pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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Bright eyes-the trees get wheeled away |
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It amazing me to know that certain people can belive in something so strongly that they feel that it can cure them. That it can take all of their pain away. It can cure diseases or calm depression, and make them pure. I went to church this morning. It was wierd, i havent been there in awhile. I dont think its fair and i dont beleive in any of it but it really made me feel good. It reassured me about alot of things that have been going on lately. Its one of those things that youll deny to everyone that youve done, or that effected you but you know in your heart that it made a difference. whatever.
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| is today the day? |
[11 May 2005|06:22pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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music |
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something corporate |
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I now have a birds eye veiw of this thing we call life, is it really worth your while? the ancient Buddhists believed that you achieve total inlightment when you realize that everything infront of you is an Illusion. well i have, and im not even buddhist... or am i... or does it matter?
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| Sweater vest, No sleeves. Oxford underneath. Yeah, it was beautiful. |
[10 May 2005|06:27pm] |
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mood |
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creative |
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music |
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B.E.-its cool, we can still be friends. |
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Why can't we just design
To live like this all the time
Why can't we just quit
I cant wait for summer. School is winding down but im nervous for finals. I always bomb them. Im pissed that I wont be graduating on time next year, but Ill do what i can for now, and just hope for the best i suppose. I need a job, and summer would be a good time for it. I also want to save up some money. I want to be moved out by this time next year.
Also Ive been listening to mad amounts of Bright Eyes lately. ha. Its good for the soul. Im positive of it:)
x
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| A REVOLUTION IS COMING |
[02 May 2005|08:13pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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bright eyes. yeah, the new one! hell yeah! |
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So alot of things are changing lately, and fast as hell. Im happy, ya know.. doing alot of constructive things. I feel that im becoming this really well-rounded person, and as silly as it sounds its true. School is stressing me out more than i thought it would but summer is almost here and im glad. i really need it. Its really wierd but summer always figures things out. ties the loose ends, ya know... crosses the t's..dots the i's. its nice. I miss alot of my friends that i havent seen in awhile. I miss being sober and i miss spending time with my family. i really do.
honestly is important. really important. so say it. say what your feeling.. lately it seems that writing this down is pretencious but im sorry to certain people that ive fucked over in these past 3 years. its really wierd to think about certain people you know and the others that you used to..and all of the situations behind them. its wierd to know that at one point you were close to them, at one point nothing else mattered. lifes crazy. im growing up so fast.. it just goes to show that its not what you know, but what you were thinking at the time..
<3
leave some
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| eat yer heart out bitches |
[19 Apr 2005|08:52pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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the starting line |
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we've gotta learn to grow;
learn how to be different, but the same
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| I don't know what I can save yew from. Maybe It's too late. |
[16 Apr 2005|12:21am] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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saves the dayyyy |
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My dad went to talk to some lawyers today. Im scared. I dont want my mom to go away. Its wierd, i should hate her..and i do but...i love her ya know. Shes an alcohalic, she neeeds help. They might take her away. Its gunna be hard..but I know that its what we all need.its what weve all needed for a very long time now.. ehh bah, I dont want to talk about anymore. I mean what the fuck..its none of anyones business anyhow.
On another note, I took alot of pain killers tonight, and i was just thinking that Its odd how when your younger everything intreegs you. Everything is important, down to the last detail.
xxx<33
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| like bringing a knife to a gun fight |
[09 Apr 2005|02:02am] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
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music |
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**** chemical reasoning |
] |
my dad got really drunk tonight. he was trashed and telling me.. that i had to take care of him and sit with him because no one else would. i really felt sorry for my old man..but he was mine..my old man....mmm..so i sat with him. i mean, its really sad when your parents are 45 and still partying.. they love it.. they just wont give it up. now that im gettting older i really wish that my parents would of been there for me and my brother and sister alot more..or i guess at all for that matter...i honestly think wede be alot better off..but regardless...regardless of everything.. i still love them. i have to.
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| You seem happier now. Did you switch from mocha to crack? |
[05 Apr 2005|09:13pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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Queens of the stone age |
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So i guess i owe this to my self. To reflect on the past year and what not. Over all it wasnt that bad. I mean every year has its ups and downs, and I think this year was one of the better out of the past 5. The good things pretty much balanced even with the bad. Then again this year I think Ive changed alot, and have fucked up alot. I suppose the main thing ive notice is the change in friends that have taken place. I mean it sucks but its the way its going to be and I know im not going to change shit. Its just kinda shitty thinking about the way shit use to be, and what they ment to you before. Yeah it be nice to see some people I havent been able to see in a while because everyone is so busy and what not, but then again what is seeing them going to solve? Does it make sense to anyone else that if someone says they miss you and what not and want to get together and shit, but then dont? Did they even miss you in the first place?
I've walked away from more than you imagine and I sleep just fine
I'm completely stressed out about school right now. Im anxious as hell to get out..well at least im trying now, and doing pretty good i might add. I like it. I like the whole complex behind it, i really do, and i guess i hadnt noticed till this year. I want to learn as much as i can before i die.
My summer will consist of drivers training, work, and summer school. It will be good though, ill make sure of it.
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[04 Apr 2005|10:08pm] |
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mood |
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creative |
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music |
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bright eyes- -time code |
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I went and saw "queens of the stone age" last night. It was breath taking.
Were almost done with the E.P.I'm completely stoked : )
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| whatever that means |
[01 Apr 2005|01:06am] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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the ataris* |
] |
heres to you my best friend, i just wanna say that i miss having you around <3
and i mean that/
im thinking some things will never even end up clearing themselves up in the end..and others that i wish never did...and never would..bah
I cant wait for summer. i need it...i need it to make me feel better.. to feel good. yeah!
<3 //
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| the worst is over now |
[21 Jan 2005|06:19pm] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
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music |
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saves the day |
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It's strange to think about an impotant event in your life and then three years later to see what kind of person you've become because of it. I mean, sure there are things that you would like to change, either about yourself or the events , but we all get used to the simple act of change.
Its quite nice when the most simplest things can give you insperation.
I think I want to be an english teacher. Iv'e been thinking on it for awhile. I donno, schools different now.. or maybe Im just wore awake that Iv'e ever been. whateverr. everything is perfect now. I still cut sometimes but everything is okay now. ....Everything has always been okay.
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[27 Nov 2004|11:20am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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hawthorne heaights |
] |
this fall was different. it went by fast as fuck but i really took it all in. it was nice. im real chill lately. calm and content with uuberous amounts of things. its defenetly a good feeling. im doing lots of poinless cumpulsive things lately, not really sure why. school is doing excelent. damn, i already cant wait till summer. err. i wish i was in love.
im going to see a static lulaby and hawthorne heights tomarrow. it should be a good show.
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